


KickStart My Heart

by orphan_account



Category: The Creatures
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:11:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1399261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Catching eyes, the accidental brush of hands while passing each other in the hallway. What's happening to their relationship? Nothing's changed, right? --Jeamus</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Filming a Short

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is my first Jeamus story, but certainly not my first FanFiction. I’m not sure how long this story will be, but I’m hoping for at least 6-10 chapters. We’ll just have to see how it goes. As for the rating, it may increase as the chapters progress. Anyway, this story is set in April of 2014 because I’m starting it off with a movie trip, and the movie I chose was Transcendence. Not much relevance to the plot of the story, but I needed somewhere to start and I thought a creature movie trip was a really good place to start. So without further ado, here’s the first chapter.

There came a knock at his office door and Seamus looked down to his automated clock on his computer which read 6:50pm. It felt like he had just sat down, but in reality, it had been over an hour since he hoarded himself in his little cubical and opened up Peggle to pass the time. The blond ran his hands over his face, leaned back in his chair and heaved out a sigh. “What’d you want?”

The door opened to reveal Dan with his camera, giving it a slight shuffle in his hand to emphasize. “C’mon, it’s already late. Creature Movie Night, remember? You’re going, aren’t you?”

Seamus shrugged. “Yeah, but does that mean I have to be in the short?”

“Well, you can film if you want?” Dan asked as he opened the door a little more and extended his arm with the camera closer to the sitting male.

Seamus’s shoulders deflated. He didn’t really feel like doing that, either. “I’ll be in the short as long as I don’t have to _kiss_ Sly again.” He still wasn’t hearing the end of that one from Aleks.

“Hey, I heard that!” the Puerto Rican shouted from down the hall. It was only seconds later that Dan and Seamus could hear footfalls coming their way and Dan being embraced around the neck by a smiling Eddie. “You liked it and you know it.”

“Sure, maybe in another dimension,” Seamus rolled his eyes but then stood up from his chair and shooed the intruders from his office. “I need to shut off my computer; I’ll be there in a second.”

“Okay, okay!” Sly giggled as he and Dan were shoved from the Irishman’s office. “Don’t be late, honey,” he blew a kiss at Seamus before giggling and then carried on to lead Dan to the lounge.

From what Seamus could remember; Koots was staying home because Monica was sick, so that left himself, Dan, Sly, Aleks and James. This was gonna be a fun car ride. He was most likely going to be smashed in the middle of the back seat between James and Aleks. That is, unless they took two separate cars but why waste the gas when the movie house was fifteen minutes away? As the blond walked the five steps to his computer, put it to sleep and exited his office after flicking the lights off, he was nearly regretting the upcoming car ride. That was, however, before he was walking past the stream hallway and saw James coming out of his office, too.

Seamus leaned against the wall nearest his own designated space and played with the hem of his purple Twitch hoodie while waiting for the brunet to make his way over.

When James shut his door and looked over, a smirk tugged at his lips. “Eyyyy, you’re coming, too?” he said in his usual, loud voice.

“Unfortunately,” Seamus shrugged again and lifted himself off the wall so they could walk down the hall to the lounge.

“What does that mean?” James asked jokingly while patting Seamus’s shoulder a bit roughly. “Don’t like hanging out with the group anymore?”

The blond fixed his jacket that had gone a bit astray with the other’s harassment before answering. “James, I think you of all people should know how much I enjoy my place in The Creatures,” he glanced at his taller friend. “I’m just not looking forward to the car ride, that’s all.”

James pocketed his hands and stuck out his bottom lip a bit as he thought. “Take your own car?”

“Waste of gas,” the blond replied easily. “I’ll just have to put up with your smelly asses for fifteen minutes.”

“Hey, I showered this morning, thank you!” James laughed as he shoved Seamus into the wall lightly.

“Yeah? You missed a spot,” Seamus accused and pushed his friend back with a laugh. “Oh wait, that’s just your beard.”

“Hardy har har,” James smiled and straightened his jacket as the two reunited with the rest of the present group. “I did shave a bit,” the brunet defended as he stroked his chin as if testing if it grew more within the few hours.

“Speaking of shaving, I need to trim mine a bit,” Dan said, joining the conversation and played with the wisps of hair growing on his face. “I’m starting to get the Uncle Tommy beard.”

Sly chuckled and leaned back over the couch. “Oh, no!”

“And as we approach the hour of seven o’clock, The Creatures still have not gotten their short done and therefore may miss the movie they intend to see,” Aleks interrupts, looking down at his watchless wrist. “More after these messages.”

“Thank you announcer Aleks,” Dan laughs a bit. “But he’s right, we need to get going. So, the roles are: James, you’re Will Caster, the scientist. Seamus, you’re Evelyn, his wife,” Dan paused when the room heard the blond whisper an “Oh great” under his breath.

“That’s it, I’m getting my hair cut,” Seamus decided with a tone of finality, his hands up in the air in defeat.

The other four laughed and Dan pulled his iPad out to get the actress’s picture up. “C’mon, Seamus, she kind of looks like you!” he said with a chuckle as he held the iPad up next to the blond’s face.

Sly walked over and stared at the picture before looking over at Seamus. “Oh, yeah, look at that!” he laughed.

“Enough,” Seamus waved his hands as if to make Dan proceed with the casting.

“Alright. Sly, you’re Morgan Freeman,” Dan relayed and Sly did a giant fist pump. “And Aleks and I are the “Group” trying to take James down. Aleks, you’re the gunman,” the pudgy man handed his partner in crime one of their airsoft pistols. “Basically, we’re gonna do the shooting scene and skip to the part where James dies then “enters”,” Dan made quotations in the air. “The computer and he’ll basically kill everyone, sound good?”

“Absolutely,” James agreed with a giant grin. Of course he’d be excited about that.

“Alright, let me just get my camera …,” Dan set his iPad down in favor of his camera and turned it on. “Ready? Sly, go stand over by James and Seamus,” Dan urged.

“Oh, sorry,” Sly grinned before skipping over to stand by James.

“You three come walking from the hall over there and then Aleks will call James, you three look up, and Aleks will shoot,” Dan directed while glancing at everyone. “Ready? Go!”

“Wait a second,” James interrupted. “That thing’s not loaded, right?” the brunet narrowed his eyes at the pistol in Aleks’s hands.

“Nah, I unloaded them,” Dan reassured. “Besides, they’re just airsoft guns.”

“Still hurts,” Seamus interjected with a lighthearted scoff.

“True,” Sly nodded, rubbing his arm as the memory from Dan and Koot’s stream a while ago came back to the front of his mind. “I had bruises lasting three weeks.”

“Don’t be babies,” Dan chided in a tone you would use with children. “Now start.”

James, Sly and Seamus made small talk as they walked into the lounge. Sly patted James on the shoulder as if to commend him and James waved it off with a smile and a shake of his head. “Hey Mr. Caster,” Aleks called and Dan turned his attention to Aleks who held up the gun, then panned back over to the three on the other side of the room. Seamus, James and Sly lifted their heads to look at Aleks, their eyes widening in mock surprise. Nothing else was said as Aleks pulled back on the trigger and the gun went off, forcing a round through the barrel straight through the air to James’s gut.

The unexpected outcome sent James to the floor, lifting his hands to the spot where the pellet hit him. “Ahh, fuck man! I thought you said it wasn’t loaded?!” James yelled.

“Shit, James, you okay?” Seamus said as he kneeled down next to the brunet.

“I’m on the fucking ground, what do you think?” the injured man replied with ire and let his head fall back on the floor.

“Shit, sorry, James! I thought I had unloaded it!” Dan said as he lowered his camera. “Want to finish up later?”

James sucked in a breath through his teeth and let out an angry groan. “No, let’s just get this fucking over with.”

“Okay Seamus, act like he’s dying and then we’ll get to the next scene,” Dan instructed as he raised his camera once more. “And go.”

“Will? Don’t do this, you can’t do this!” Seamus improved as he pulled James into his arms haphazardly.

James looked up at Seamus and faked a pained smile while his eyebrows knitted together. “S—sorry Evelyn. Looks like … I’m going first.”

“No!” Seamus screamed and looked over to Sly who was kneeling next to them. “Morgan Freeman, we can save him! We can upload his brainwaves into the computer!”

“Let’s do this,” Sly nodded with a serious face, crossing his arms.

They cut the scene there and did a short time-lapse of them putting James into a chair and placing a cardboard headband over his head as if to “upload” his brain to the computer. The computer was just a giant frame of cardboard so James could walk around with it outlining his face and shoulders. Seamus and Sly pretended to celebrate when they managed to finish the task. Another time-lapse that had intervals showed Sly talking with Seamus on how “Will” had become more than they expected and that they needed to shut him down. Since James was just a walking frame, he was recording for the most part while Dan and Aleks played their parts with Sly. They ended with a shot of Dan, Aleks, Seamus and Sly on the ground “dead” while James stood proud in the distance with his cardboard frame.

When Dan had the camera back, he instructed Seamus on his next task. The blond began to pull himself along the floor with fake injuries to the power cord on the wall. “Hey Will,” he looked up to James who acted startled and blinked a few times in Seamus’s direction. “Your spy-ware isn’t up-to-date,” he said before dramatically pulling the cord out of the wall.

James gave a fit on the floor for about two minutes as per usual before Dan finally cut the video and Sly started laughing his ass off. “ _That_ was the ending line?? Really??”

Seamus got up from the floor and dusted himself off, motioning to Sly. “You got something better?”

Sly waved a hand over his face to change into his serious actor mode. “Will, it looks like your hardware’s out of storage space.”

Seamus gave Sly a deadpan look with a raised eyebrow. “Really? You think _that_ was better than _my_ line?”

“It was a lot better than yours!” Sly argued with a grin and a laugh. “Wasn’t it, Aleks?”

“Huh? Yeah, sure,” the Russian dismissed easily before glancing at his phone. “Well, we have about twenty minutes to get to the movie.”

“Let’s get going then,” Dan said. “You driving, Sly?”

Eddie dangled the car keys off one finger and wiggled his eyebrows. “Hell yeah.”


	2. Closer

Well, the car ride had turned out just about as he had expected it to, honestly. James was to his left while Aleks was to his right, leaving Dan to the front passenger to record every second of this uncomfortable situation since Sly was driving. Though, it was probably a given that most of the footage they shot in the car wasn't going to go in the video, but still. It was on the memory of the device and recorded from history. Seamus reached up with his more available hand that wasn’t being smashed into anyone’s side to lift up his glasses that had fallen down his nose a bit.

“Watch out, Seamus, my arm’s starting to fall asleep here,” James announced as he started shuffling about and eventually was able to bring his arm from his side to the back of the seat behind Seamus’s head.

“Oh good, now I can smell your armpit,” Seamus waved a hand next to the offending spot. “Just what I wanted.”

“Well, at least you don’t have his hand in your face,” Aleks argued, slapping his own hand on James’s when the brunet messed with his hoodie. “Knock it off, James!”

A round of cackles could be heard from the offender as Dan pointed the camera to the back seat, night shot on. “Alright, knock it off children. What are we going to see?”

“A shit movie,” Seamus spoke first.

“Doh,” James snorted, covering his smile with his unoccupied hand.

“What do you think, Sly?” Dan turned the camera to face the driver and Eddie glanced at it before shrugging earnestly.

“I dunno, I’m _hoping_ it’ll turn out good, but ever since you guys corrupted me,” he shook his head. “I dunno. I’m not going to put any expectations on it,” he laughed.

“Aleks?” Dan moved the focus back to the back seat, shining the camera on Aleks who was still defending himself from James’s irritating antics.

“Well Dan,” Aleks started off as he finally slapped James’s hand good and pushed himself against the window.

“Ah, fuck,” James shook his hand loosely, a grin on his face.

“I think the movie should be pretty good,” the Russian decided. “Pretty good.”

“Really? Wanna give it a rating now?” Dan asked with a laugh.

“Nah,” Aleks shook his head waving his friend’s question away. “Why rate something that’ll be amazing?”

“Pfft, oh, yeah,” Seamus said snidely, wiping his nose a bit. “It’s gonna be a block buster hit.”

Dan turned the camera to Seamus who raised an eyebrow. “Is that a bit of sarcasm, Seahmus?” Dan mispronounced purposefully, gradually turning his voice into more of a coo.

“From me?” Seamus pointed to himself. “Why would I ever do something like that?”

“Yeah, why would you?” Sly asked, looking in the rearview mirror while shaking his head.

“Hey, we’re not paying you to make comments, we’re paying you to drive,” Aleks said as he smacked Eddie’s shoulder, half slouching on Seamus to reach him.

“I don’t think you’re paying me at all!” Sly remarked, lowering his eyebrows and sticking his lip out in a pout.

“Details,” James waved his hand, echoing his laugh through the car. “You’re not supposed to know that!”

Sly erupted into giggles and hit his palm over the steering wheel. “Well now I do, what’cha gon do ‘bout it?”

“Absolutely nothing,” James admitted, raising both hands in the air before casually dropping them again.

After a quick analysis from Dan on the movie, they all said a good-bye and turned the recording off. The rest of the drive was deciding if they wanted to get food at the movie theater, or if they wanted to stop at a restaurant afterward. Majority voted for the restaurant and then the car basically stayed silent for the remaining five minutes until they were at the theater. Seamus, however, was hyperaware of the heat radiating into his shoulder where a certain brunet’s hand rested after dropping it there earlier and failing to remove it.

The movie lasted just over two hours and they left the theater by 10:45pm to do a short review on that same movie in the parking lot. It was after 11:00pm by the time they had sat down in the restaurant, but no one complained cause the food was good and the atmosphere was light. Well, as light as it could be round their group. James was making a fuss  and Sly was laughing which attracted eyes, but that was nothing new. Everyone paid their own bill and Dan let the rest of the group know that he was using the restroom before they left. Aleks was still paying for his when Sly, Seamus and James said they’d be out in the car.

Sly was already half way to his vehicle when Seamus and James left the building. Seamus walked slow, looking at the ground as he kicked up dust with his hands in his pockets. James turned his head back in his friend’s direction and eased his step so he fell in line with Seamus, putting his own hands in his jacket pockets. It might have been spring, but the nights were still pretty chilly. Especially in Colorado.

James could tell there was something on the Irishman’s mind, and if it were any other time, he might have waited for Seamus to come out and say it himself, but they were running out of pavement to the car and Dan and Aleks were probably on the way soon. So instead, he bumped his elbow into Seamus’s bicep and looked down at the ground. “Somethin’ on your mind?”

Seamus brought one hand up to his neck, scratching the back of it before glancing at James, an indecisive expression on his face before he looked away again, shrugging. “Maybe. I dunno. I feel like …,” he stopped his sentence then lifted his head back up. “Nothing changed between us, right?”

James’s eyebrows furrowed as he stopped the blond with a light touch to his shoulder. “Where did that come from? Didn’t we have an unspoken agreement that nothing was different when you came back?”

Seamus bit the inside of his cheek in thought as he searched James’s face for answers. Sighing, he looked away, licked his lips then wiped his mouth with his hand before answering. “Yeah, but there was a lot of time between your injury and me getting sick, James,” he shook his head. “Everything’s just fucked up.”

“I get the feeling this is more than just about us,” James stated worriedly, turning his attention to the entrance to the restaurant where Dan and Aleks were emerging. “I’m sure nothing is as bad as it seems, Seamus, but you obviously want to talk about it, so wanna skype later?”

The blond once again shook his head, his shaggy hair framing his face. “No, I really don’t want to say anything in my apartment. Or over skype,” he looked up at James again. “Rather do it in person.”

The brunet blinked a few times, his eyebrows raising on his forehead. “Yeah, alright,” James nodded, deciding not to ask about that until tomorrow, moving from foot to foot. “Maybe some time after Creature Talk tomorrow?”

“You mean today?” Seamus said with a sarcastic tone.

James pushed on his shoulder. “It’s not ‘today’ until I fucking sleep. “

Seamus laughed and nodded. “Yeah, alright. _Tomorrow_.”

“You’re damn right,” James joined the blond’s laugh before walking over to the car. “Your office or mine?”

Seamus followed James and took a deep breath in thought. “Yours. Bigger, out of the way and covered in dirty drawings.”

James snorted and shook his head. “I still haven’t erased the pictures Hordan drew from April Fools.”

“Really?” Dan wondered as he and Aleks walked up to the car. “You kept those?”

“Yeah, I drew clothes on the one, but I erased the dicks,” James shrugged with a chuckle.

“Alright guys, it’s late and I want to go home!” Sly yelled from the window of the car. “Get the fuck in!”

“Damn,” Seamus grinned. “He’s not playing around.”

“Better do what he says!” Dan faked panic.

Now, Seamus might not have been the most observant guy to ever exist, but he could swear that for the entire car ride back to the office to get their own vehicles, James was leaning closer to him than the window. It could have just been his imagination, surely, but then how could he explain the sidelong glances from the other? Probably just worried about him, Seamus came to conclude, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel more upset by that. Seamus wasn’t one to fancy getting worried over; he usually had his shit together. Right now, it just seemed like things were slipping apart. Well, his social relationships were. And that was a problem.

The next morning came too soon in Seamus’s book … even though it was after noon and not morning. Lazily, the blond crawled out of bed, and pet Mr. Meowgi as she came up to rub against his legs. Even though it was after noon, it was still early enough to record something before the stream at least. Seamus decidedly took a shower, made himself some food and fed the cat before leaving his apartment. The blond actually found himself recording more at the office than at home anymore. It helped him focus and took his mind off certain things; almost like a getaway.

After arriving at the office, Seamus concluded that the only missing occupants were James and Aleks. They were usually always late, but he and Sly also had their slip ups. Upon arrival, Dan informed Seamus that Creature Talk would be within the next two and a half hours and that was plenty of time to do some recording. That is, if none of his games fucked up like they so happened to enjoy doing. Too bad James wasn’t there yet because Ex-Comm sounded just about right to record, but it would have to be saved for another day it seemed.

In the end, he decided to record a bit of a Mario Hack and some Smite Gameplay. He had opted for Dark Souls II, but most of the time he was using every minute he could spare to learn about the game and take it slowly. Two hours didn’t really seem like enough time to Seamus. In between his recordings, he heard Aleks enter his office next door and James stopped at his window long enough to wave before he went off somewhere. The blond let out a deep sigh and leaned back in his chair as Smite loaded. In all honesty, he wasn’t looking forward to talking to James, not because he didn’t feel like he couldn’t confide in him, but more like he shouldn’t _have_ to. Then again, what were friends for?

Seamus finished his gameplay with about twenty minutes to spare, just in time to hear Dan knock on his window to remind him. That window was beginning to be more of a menace than a benefit; Seamus enjoyed his privacy. When the ten minute mark came around, Seamus finally decided to leave his office space. As he passed the stream hallway, he could hear Dan, Sly and Koots messing around with the table and couch. The blond wanted a drink before he went in there so he wouldn’t have to come during the middle of the stream to get a water or a soda. Plus he really didn’t feel like helping out with the furniture rearranging but that was a different story.

When Seamus walked into the little kitchen space, the last person he expected to see was James, but there he was, leaning against the counter reading his phone and sipping on a water. Seamus caught James’s attention when his feet scuffed along the floor to the fridge. Coke or water? Seamus just reached his hand in and went for the closest thing which was the water then looked over at James who had still not taken his eyes off the Irishman.

“Toss me a candy bar behind you,” Seamus addressed the other, motioning to the chocolate sitting behind James on the counter.

“Sure,” James replied and pulled out a chocolate bar from one of the jars Jordan had set up. “Catch.”

The brunet tossed the candy and Seamus easily caught it before setting his water on the counter and leaned just next to it, James to his left on the other side of the counter but within arm’s length, he noticed. There was a deep silence as Seamus chewed on his chocolate and James tried to go back to his phone, but it obviously wasn’t keeping his attention if the annoyed sigh was any indication. The brunet gave up and thrust his phone back in his pocket and ran a hand through his short, curly hair.

“Couldn’t sleep well last night?” Seamus’s voice broke the silence, surprising not only him, but James as well.

The other blinked a few times before shaking his head and crossing his arms. “Not really. Sleep for a few hours, then wake up, rinse repeat,” James admitted. “I actually couldn’t stop thinking about what you said last night.”

“I said a lot of things last night,” Seamus joked, lifting his eyes in James’s direction.

“Asshole, I mean about not wanting to talk over skype,” he smiled with a short laugh, then let his expression fall to something more serious. “Why didn’t you want to say anything in your apartment?”

Seamus’s eyebrows knitted together and he bit his lip as he swallowed the chocolate. “Didn’t we agree to talk in your office?” the blond murmured in an undertone before he threw the wrapper away and grabbed his water bottle to walk out.

“Seamus,” James reached his hand out and grabbed the shorter man’s forearm, waiting for him to turn around. “I’m sorry, you’re just kind of worrying me. Don’t want you to end up like Max.”

The blond blinked, thinking hard on those words before he turned to look at James in the eyes. It severely sucked that they had to cut Max from the group, but Seamus didn’t want that to happen to him, either. Was he really acting that unapproachable? Seamus’s head tilted a bit to the side when James’s hand released his arm, the brunet’s pupils dilating almost unnoticeably. Seamus saw him coming, saw his face getting closer to his own, but he didn’t move back. There came a gentle touch to the side of his face as lips connected with his own. At first he didn’t react to it, letting the feeling sink in, but once he lifted his unoccupied hand to the back of James’s neck, he allowed his lips to move. It was soft, comforting. It relaxed him better than any game had in the last few weeks. Seamus was the first one to pull away, however, and took a step back from James, wiping his mouth.

James let his arm drop as he came back to earth. When he finally came back to himself, he started pacing and ran his hands through his hair even more worriedly. “Shit, Seamus, I—I’m sorry,” he stomped on the ground, irritation bubbling around him. “Fuck, I’m sorry!”

“I wouldn’t have kissed back if I didn’t want to,” the blond replied with a half shrug. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about it?” James walked up to Seamus once more, looking him dead in the eye. “What about Ashh, Seamus? What about your girlfriend?”

The Irishman locked his iridescent, blue eyes with James’s dark brown ones as he answered. “We split up. A while ago,” he confessed, looking away to the side and made a gesture with his hand. “We just kind of slipped apart.”

“What?” James asked almost incredulously. “Ahh, fuck man, I’m sorry, Seamus.”

The blond blew air out his nose and gave a half smile. “She was, too. It was mutual, though. Something just wasn’t clicking anymore.”

“What about the nicknames and how come she’s still living with you?” James wondered as he placed his hands on his hips.

“Old habits die hard, I guess,” Seamus said in a low voice as he shuffled his feet. “And we’re still friends. She’s just gonna live with me until she can find a place of her own. Don’t want to make her go back to her parents.”

“Seamus—“

James had been about to reach out to the blond again, but Sly came running in and yelled, “CREATURE TALK TIME. GET YOUR ASSES TO THE STREAM ROOM!” before bounding away in his usually, perky manner.

“After the stream, yeah?” James asked while placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Still your best friend, you know?”

“Best friends kiss each other?” Seamus pondered aloud with a growing smile playing at his lips.

“They do now,” James answered easily and wrapped an arm around Seamus’s shoulder before leading them to the stream room to deal with their over active fanbase and touch on recent topics.


	3. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now this might be where OOCness might come in. But c'mon, this is a Jeamus story. There's bound to be OOCness at some point.

“Thanks for calling,” Dan said with a smile as he started clicking the mouse over the screen. “WE CAST YOU OUT.”

“Bye, we love you!” Sly waved to the camera with a huge grin on his face before he rearranged his beanie and set his arms back on the table.

“Man,” James shook his head with a grin, his eyebrows furrowed together. “These questions are _fantastic_.” A bit of shuffling could be heard before the entire Brink table shook, bouncing the mics for a split second and then James was hissing, his face now on the table as he rubbed his leg. Laughs could be heard coming from his shaking back. “Goddamnit Seamus!”

“Wasn’t me,” the blond looked away, trying to conceal a smile.

“Did you kick him?” Sly laughed, pointing to James while watching Seamus.

“No,” Seamus denied yet again. “Didn’t I just say it wasn’t me? It was Aleks,” the Irishman tilted his head toward the accused.

Aleks slowly moved his head to look at Seamus, his face expressionless and his eyes narrowed. “I sure did. All the way on the other side of the table. Totally me.”

“Well you know Aleks, you got some pretty long legs,” Koots said with a lisp, placing his hand on his chin.

Everyone looked to Jordan with quizzical looks. “Hordan, stop checking out your coworkers,” Sly chastised, shaking his finger at the boss man.

Jordan flinched back and turned his face toward the camera, his eyes wide. “Meow,” he took in a deep breath and relaxed his posture before playing with the empty bottle in front of him. “Alright, well that’s been Creature Talk for April 19th 2014, thanks for watching! Bye! Play the outro, Dan.”

“Playing the outro, Koots,” Dan scooted his chair back over to the mother computer off camera as everyone else stood up.

James stood up and did a small jig, encouraging Sly to join him. A few seconds into the song, Dan and Jordan joined, too, and they all paused when the song ended before cracking into fits of laughter. They cut the stream right after and started to rearrange the room, moving the mics and chairs back to their designated spots. Jordan and Aleks folded the table back down while Dan and James moved the couch back.

“Alright scrubs, back to whatever you were doing,” Jordan shooed the group toward the door.

“Are you kicking us out, Hordan?” James asked incredulously, placing his hands on his hips as he leaned on his left leg. “This is public space!”

“Not anymore,” Jordan puffed his chest out. “Now everybody out!” he flailed his arms as his voice went high pitch.

“Didn’t want to be in here with that anyway,” Seamus remarked as he rubbed his ear as it rang from the noise. “Damn Jordan could break a wine glass.”

“Hahahaha!” Sly patted Seamus’s shoulder and walked the blond out of the room toward the lounge with his arm around the blond’s shoulder. “Let’s get one for the next stream.”

“Oh that sounds like a _great_ idea,” Seamus replied sarcastically. “So we can all get shards of glass shot at us when he breaks it.”

“Don’t worry, I’m a professional doctor,” Aleks commented, joining in the conversation from behind the two.

“I’m sure Mother Russia would be proud,” Sly nodded as he dropped his hand from Seamus’s shoulder and pocketed his hands.

As they were turning the corner toward Sly, Koots and Dan’s office’s, Seamus looked back to see James raising his eyebrows at him from the door to his office and the blond nodded briefly. Seamus wasn’t exactly sure who was going home just yet, but from what he knew, Dan needed to edit still and Koots was working on some project. They were all more than likely staying for the rest of the day since tomorrow would be their off day; except for him and Sly with the stream.

“Hey, wanna record some more Ex-Comm?” Sly asked suddenly as they entered the kitchenette.

Seamus walked to the fridge and grabbed a soda and a water bottle before shutting the door and looking at Sly in thought. “Doesn’t James have to record with Aleks and Kevin?”

“Oh, yeah?” Sly looked over to Aleks and the Russian raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, we were gonna record more Rust and GTAV today, after he does something important,” Aleks shrugged. “Didn’t say how long this ‘important thing’ would take, though.”

“’Important thing’?” Sly mimicked and looked to Seamus. “Did he say anything to you?”

Seamus shrugged and started walking out. “Maybe.”

“Seamus!” Sly called in a whine.

From down the hall, Seamus yelled, “If I catch you guys outside of James’s office, I’ll kill you myself!”

Seamus took into account that both Dan and Koots were in their own offices and walked calmly back over the James’s office, content with the knowledge that no one was around to overhear the conversation. Seamus wasn’t a secret keeper, but some things just couldn’t be shared openly to most. James was the exception. Out of everyone, James was his best friend even before he joined The Creatures. Oddly enough, he was really easy to talk to and he listened well … until you started him off on a different topic.

Seamus put both the soda and the water in one hand and used the other to gently knock on the door. The ‘do not disturb’ sign wasn’t on the door, but it was always a courtesy to knock. A bit of scuffling could be heard inside the room before the door opened, which was strange coming from the brunet; he usually just yelled for whoever to come in if he wasn’t busy. James opened the door just enough and breathed out evenly as he stared down at Seamus before glancing down the hallway where he could see Sly and Aleks peeking around the corner. James pulled Seamus into the room and glared at the two around the other hallway as he placed the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door knob.

“I’m watching you two,” James yelled to the end of the hallway. “Assholes.”

When he closed the door and turned around, Seamus had already made himself comfortable in the spare office chair James had. His posture was slouched, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, the drinks long forgotten on the table next to his computer. James took his chair and rolled closer to the other and leaned back, intertwining his fingers. He would wait, as long as it took. He’d been doing it for some time now.

Seamus ordered his thoughts, though he knew they wouldn’t stay orderly for long. Once he got talking, he would be all over the place. It was one of the reasons he didn’t like sharing personal things. But where should he start and where should he end? Eventually Seamus rubbed his hands over his face harshly before sitting up just a bit in his chair, staring at his hands. “We split up around the end of February. Beginning of March, maybe,” Seamus shrugged, his organized thoughts tossed out the window. “We had just finished recording Rayman Legends and she said ‘Do you mind if we talk for a sec?’,” James could hear the sniffles already. “I said ‘Sure.’ and I waited while she got up the courage to say whatever she wanted to say. I knew it couldn’t have been anything good,” he laughed mirthlessly. “The mood in the room was too disconsolate and she had this look on her face that I’ve only ever seen on bad occasions.

“She said ‘Seamus, I love you, but I don’t think I can share a future with you anymore.’. I tried asking her why, tried asking her what I could do or what I had done,” the blond pulled his sleeve over his wrist and wiped his nose which had started running when his eyes began to burn from silent tears. “I think I kind of understood what she was feeling, cause if I didn’t, I sure as hell would have put up a more decent fight, wouldn’t I?” Seamus lifted his head up to peer at James, his eyes red and glistening from unshed tears while his bottom lip trembled. “I would have said something else, or convinced her that we weren’t over, right?”

James brought his eyebrows together and sat forward a bit, moving his hands over to Seamus’s and taking them in his. The brunet kept staring at their mess of fingers as he spoke. “I think,” he paused and blinked slowly before continuing. “I think you’re trying to convince yourself that you could have done more, even when we both know you tried your damnedest when it came to Ashh,” James explained as he lifted his chocolate eyes to Seamus’s cerulean. “I think this is just an effect of the break up. The guilt, the worry. If she wasn’t happy with you, then she obviously wasn’t doing you a favor by pretending to be. You should thank her for letting you get on with your life.”

Seamus looked down at their hands after those words left James’s mouth, contemplating. Yeah, he was nearing his twenty sixth birthday here soon, and Ashh had been a large part of his life, but he knew it wasn’t the end just because they weren’t together now. It was just hard trying to pull yourself from someone that you basically shared everything with for years. He shared his thoughts, his wishes and dreams, his body and soul. He could honestly say he still loved her, but he supposed it was now more like he loved a close friend.

“She was my everything,” he unconsciously whispered out, a tear falling from his eye and onto James’s hand that was overlapping his.

“And you used to be your own ‘everything’,” James sighed, rubbing his thumb over the blond’s hand. “Seamus, you lived without her once. There’ll be a scar, yeah, but you can work around it. You’ve still got us to keep you grounded.”

When saying ‘us’, Seamus knew James was talking about their group of friends, and not just the other seven of them besides himself in The Creatures, but all the other friends they had made on Youtube and everyone else. Love may come and go, but friends are forever, they used to say. Thought it may be difficult to think of right now, Ashh was still a friend, and Seamus was grateful she had been part of his life; she helped him grow as a person.

“Seamus, I would have helped, you know?” James swallowed and looked down, squeezing his hands around the other’s. “I would have been there if you had just reached out.”

The blond readjusted himself in his seat, trying not to disrupt the connection he had with James. “Things just kind of felt estranged when I came back. Aleks was made a Creature, you were going to the hospital for your back, and shit, James, _I_ should have been there for _you_. I should have fucking been there.”

James pulled himself closer to Seamus, their knees knocking into each other as the distance dwindled. “You were going through your own crap, Seamus. You were thinking of me, and that was enough.”

Seamus’s eyes locked with James, his eyebrows knitted together. “That shouldn’t be enough. There should have been _more_. I could have done so much _more_.”

“You’re human, Seamus,” James stated heavily with a shake of their hands. “You can’t do everything. You shouldn’t _have_ to do everything. It’s not your job.”

Seamus stole one of his hands from the knot they had made of their fingers and rubbed his face with the back of his hoodie sleeve, happy he had decided to leave his glasses back in his office. “Damnit,” the blond cursed with a lopsided smile on his lips. “I just need to stop thinking so much.”

James laughed quietly and nodded. “Yeah, you sure like to do that a lot.”

After taking a steadying breath, Seamus blinked the rest of the mist from his eyes and relaxed his shoulders. “So, while I still am overthinking,” he looked up at James and raised his eyebrows. “What was with you kissing me earlier?”

Seamus noted a small widening of James’s pupils once again and the ebony haired man unconsciously licked his lips from the memory. “Just doing something that was long overdue,” he shrugged. “You looked like you needed comfort.”

“With a kiss?” the blond asked dubiously.

“It worked, didn’t it?” James replied almost instantly, knocking his knee into Seamus’s which caused a chain reaction.

“What do you mean by long overdue?” the Irishman went on, ignoring the other’s remark.

“Come what may, Seamus,” James started, lifting his lips into a soft smile, his eyes taking the expression as well. “I’m always here.”

Seamus looked at the other with confusion, but nodded slowly. “I would hope so. Where else would you be?”

James let out a gruff breath and rolled his neck. “Well,” he gave a small laugh. “Call me cheesy, but,” he pulled one of his hands away from the pile in between their legs and lifted his index finger to Seamus’s chest and pushed there several times. “I’d rather be here.”

Seamus snorted, the previous sadness and exhaustion forgotten for now as a smile took his lips. “Yeah, you’re pretty lame.”

James gave a defiant grin. “Hey, I’m trying to be romantic here!” he defended.

“What makes you think I want romance right now?” Seamus surprised himself when his voice came out a bit more shameless than he had originally meant.

James’s eyes widened before they relaxed and took a wiser look, one with meaning. “Maybe you don’t, but I don’t want to be that guy that you use just to forget. I want the long run, the ups and downs. Everything,” he clarified, leaning back in his chair. “So I’ll wait. Like I always have been.”

Seamus’s eyes squinted as he replayed James’s words over in his head. “How long? How long have you been waiting?”

“Almost half a decade,” James shrugged. “I’d wait forever if I had to.”

The words woke him up, and Seamus felt his face growing hot. “James, we’ve only known each other for about five years.”

“I know,” the raven haired male nodded, bringing his hands back to Seamus’s and ran the pads of his fingers over the back of Seamus’s hands. “Funny how one meeting can change you forever.”

The blond narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, invading James’s space. “Why didn’t you say anything? All this time?”

James looked down and away, his face dropping as he thought the question over. “Cause at first I didn’t know what to make of it, you know? How could I break up a good friendship for something that could easily go away the next day? Besides, you had Ashh and you were happy,” the younger male shrugged. “I didn’t want to ruin that for you.”

“Guess it didn’t just go away,” Seamus commented, tilting his head.

“No, it didn’t,” James agreed with a shake of his head. “It only developed more and more with every passing day.”

“Really fucking cheesy,” the blond interjected, earning him a slap to his knee.

“Fucking dick,” James grinned, joking playfully.

He felt Seamus’s hand run up the back of his neck and he idly wondered when the smaller man had stolen his hand back, but the thought was quickly pushed aside when a pair of slightly chapped lips touched his briefly. Fingers were playing in his short, curly hair and hot breath was covering his lips sensually. James freed one of his hands and placed it on Seamus’s knee, letting his palm brush up over the other man’s thigh, to feel the other shake under his touch. Seamus lifted his head so James was forced to look at him, a blaze of emotions whirled along the lines of Seamus’s blue irises.

“What are you waiting for now?” the blond wondered in a quiet voice.

James took a moment to let the words sink in as he leaned forward and locked their lips once more, planting small and indirect kiss after kiss until he forced himself to pull away and leaned his forehead against the other man’s.

“You,” he whispered. “I’m waiting for you to be ready for me.”


	4. Me and My Broken Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one gets a bit explicit, so rating goes up!

There was a slight shift in the way things went about the office after James’s confession, Seamus noticed. Now that it was out in the open, the blond noticed every time his younger coworker’s eyes were on him, and every time he would smile or laugh when Seamus said something sarcastic. Not that he hadn’t already done so in the past, but now it was more intense as if there was a fire growing in James; a spark to his emotions. There was definitely something there, Seamus had to admit, because every time they were having a team meeting or packed in the back seat of the car together, James was touching him one way or the other.

Having their legs tangled under the office desk or his arm casually on the back of the seat with his hand on Seamus’s shoulder much like that first night almost a week ago. It wasn’t invasive, not really. It wasn’t as if James was full out groping the shit out of him in the middle of the hallway; something he was eternally grateful for because _that_ surely wouldn’t get passed Aleks _or_ Sly. No, the ebony haired loud mouth was keeping his advances to an almost gentlemanly pace. It confused Seamus, but it also made him give James props since _holy fucking hell it had been nearly five years_ and wasn’t James just a _bit_ tired of waiting by now? Surely with his usual attitude he’d be hassling Seamus about it every day, but that wasn’t the case.

After that day in James’s office, Seamus found himself just a bit less reluctant to go home, to see Ashh waiting on the couch. The pain was still there, but it seemed it had taken a back burner for now. It had been almost two months, anyway; things weren’t going to return the way they had been and Seamus just had to suck it up and deal with it. In the meantime, he was helping Ashh look for apartments but she was still hesitant to actually sign for anything.

“You don’t even have to stay in Colorado,” Seamus points out, walking to the kitchen.

“I know, but I feel like everything is _here_ , you know?” she replied with a soft voice, not daring to look over at her ex.

Seamus stopped in the middle of filling up a glass with water before sighing. “Why don’t you look for something in California? It’s not that far away, and it’s a bigger community for Youtubers.”

“I suppose..,” she murmurs, flipping a page in the rent ads.

“You’d have the sun, the beach, the earthquakes,” Seamus turns around and leans on the counter. “It’ll be fun.”

She gives a small laugh at that, and Seamus smiles proudly to himself. Sure, their break-up wasn’t that intense since it was mutual, but that didn’t mean getting back into the groove of friendship wasn’t bumpy. That short chuckle was the most he had heard Ashh laugh _since_ they decided to split. She had laughed while she recorded for her channel, sure, but Seamus could tell it didn’t hold the amusement or happiness usually associated with the act of laughing. The one just now showed him that not only was he beginning to brush the chip off his shoulder, but so was she. And even after these near two months, her happiness still meant the world to him.

A few days later at the office, Seamus was passing by Jordan’s office to get to his, but the door was a bit ajar and he heard him and Dan whispering about how strange James seemed to be acting, how serene he was around Seamus. That went on to mention how expressive Seamus was now, as if he was having the best week of his life. When he entered his office and set his water next to his coffee maker before sitting down, he scrutinized their words. It had been about a week and a half now since his and James’s talk. Was he really more open? At least more open than those two months when he and Ashh broke up, before James confessed.

Seamus smiled to himself as he turned his computer on, agreeing with Dan and Jordan. Things were turning around, that was for sure, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t confused by the entire situation that he found himself in with James. Each day seemed to bring a bit more enjoyment to the blond when he woke up and didn’t feel like utter crap when bumping into Ashh before leaving for the office and seeing James’s smiling face directed at him with all of that passion. Even still, there was a weight on his chest that confused and irritated him to no end because he was happy and things were smoothing out so _what was eating at him_?

About two hours later, Seamus stops recording and closes down his game, his water bottle long since empty. It was time for lunch anyway. He made sure everything was sleeping or shut down before he took his water bottle and exited the office, closing the door softly behind him. He turned to walk down the hallway toward the lounge and the kitchen when he saw James coming toward him; or toward the hallway to his own office, Seamus wasn’t sure.

Nevertheless, the blond started walking toward the lounge with the water bottle in hand. They glanced at each other and Seamus couldn’t help the butterflies erupting in his stomach when James met his eyes, giving a small smile as he looked down at the floor. Had he always been that adorable?

When they were passing each other, not a word was spoken, but James reached out and pulled Seamus’s hand into his, letting them linger as they both walked opposite ways until eventually they had to part. The feel of James’s finger tips on his palm remained, however, and sent a shiver from his arm, to his back and then further down to his toes. The blond looked back as James did the same, giving Seamus that small, endearing smile before he was passed the wall and unable to be seen. Seamus didn’t think his heart rate could correct itself at all after that.

The next day during Creature Talk, Seamus became annoyingly aware of his constant watch on James thanks to Sly who had to bring it up and make the blond a babbling mess. James, however, thought it was amusing because that smile came back; the same one that made his eyes light up when they looked at Seamus. _Why hadn’t that look always been there?_ Seamus found himself silently wondering.

Creature Talk night also became a movie night, something that Seamus was almost physically exhausted from before it even started. Almost. The upside being that James was coming, and that meant more time seeing that smile, and feeling how much affection James was conveying toward Seamus. The downside being the heavy feeling surrounding him whenever that affection reached him; as if there was a force keeping him from completely enjoying the attention and admiration.

They had just finished the short when Seamus sought to find James who had decided to up and book it when his part was over. The blond ended up finding him outside on the small patio overlooking the parking lot. He had his headphones in his ears, listening to the music playing through his phone as Seamus opened the glass doors, shutting them softly behind him.

It didn’t matter; James noticed him right off the bat as he normally did nowadays. His lips pulled up into that smile as he pulled his earbuds out and trained his eyes on the blond. “Hey, Seamus.”

The Irishman found himself swallowing around the lump in his throat at the sound of James’s voice, the light tone that was laced with fondness. “Hey .. James.”

The blond silently berated himself for getting cold feet now when he had been the one to find James; to get that feeling of want and appreciation from him. There were certain things the younger man was doing to him, Seamus knew, but he felt like he was falling whenever James wasn’t around. Seamus blinked and looked away, crossing his arms across his chest to the chill of night. Now he _really_ felt like a dumb because they were just standing there in silence. Well, James was leaning against the railing but who was paying attention to details?

“C’mere,” he heard James say under his breath, extending his arm out to Seamus while wiggling his fingers as if to encourage to step forward.

Seamus moved a step closer, and James was able to tug on the blond’s hoodie sleeve to pull him closer, letting his arm wrap around the shorter man’s waist while their sides pressed together. The heat was not unwelcomed, but now Seamus wasn’t sure of the reason he was quivering anymore; if it was because of the cold or the fact that he was pressed against James’s body. Said man was now rubbing his hand along Seamus’s bicep to build up some friction to warm him up while his head rested on the side of the shorter man’s.

Seamus was making busy with the hem of his hoodie sleeve so he wouldn’t have to acknowledge how warm his cheeks and ears were getting. Now the silence was peaceful, but the blond wondered if James could feel or maybe even _hear_ the sound of his heart beating because if it was erratic earlier from their brief touch of hands, it was off the charts now.

But suddenly James was shifting around and Seamus thought that was the end of that when the ebony haired man brought arm from around the other and put his phone’s volume all the way up. Seamus gave James a look of confusion until a song started playing and James took his hands. “Dance with me?”

Seamus blinked his eyes a few more times in a flutter as his eyebrows shot up into his hairline. “You want me to dance?” James only nodded. “With you?” there came another nod.

“C’mon, Seamus, I won’t bite,” James gave a grin and oh god that was _exceedingly_ different from his smiles.

In the end, the Irishman was too bemused to say either way, so James brought their arms up in the air and started twisting their shoulders, letting their arms follow the motion. The younger of the two began moving his hips in a small figure eight movement and Seamus could only compare the disorganized action to something akin to The Swing Dance from the 1950s. Just a more watered down version of it.

The taller man rested his forehead on Seamus’s and the blond looked down, trying to contain a smile because James was too charming and it was affecting Seamus in so many ways. The blond found himself moving with his dance partner, taking his hands from James’s to run them along his arms and over his chest before stepping closer to bring himself into that warmth again, his arms now securely locked around James’s neck to play with the small curls on the back of his head. Seamus rested his chin on the other’s shoulder while James brought his arms around Seamus, running his hands down the blond’s back and sides as they just swayed their bodies; their feet picking up off the ground for short moments as they moved.

“Didn’t know you liked this kind of music,” Seamus muttered against James’s neck, his eyes closed in moderation.

James gave a chuckle, his breath ghosting over Seamus’s skin. “We listen to all kinds of different music, asshole.”

Seamus tightened his hold on his taller partner when James pressed his hand into the small of the blond’s back to bring his hips forward into what Seamus would consider close to grinding. If he were honest, the music fit the pace of their would-be dance.

“But Rixton? Me and My Broken Heart?” Seamus continues, turning his head toward James’s jaw.

The other shrugged, pursing his lips. “It reminded me of you.”

A grunt emerged from James when Seamus _accidentally_ stomped on his foot, but continued to drive into the other with a satisfied smirk on his lips. “I’m going to assume you meant that as a compliment.”

“You should expect nothing less,” James coughed through a smile, bringing one of his hands from around the other’s waist to the back of his neck, holding him in place as he gave Seamus a soft kiss to his cheek. “They’re gonna start wondering where we are. Movie’s starting in a half hour.”

Seamus didn’t want to admit he was disappointed about letting go of James, but when the warmth disappeared and was replaced with a chill, he couldn’t help the sigh that escaped his lips. The ebony haired man took his hand, smiling, and led him back into the office after replacing his phone safely back in his pocket.

And when they all gave their reviews later that night, Seamus would be lying if he told you his was an accurate review because he honestly hadn’t paid much attention to the movie when his hand was being gently stroked by James’s thumb as they held hands. The entire movie.

He got home a little late, but was that really something new? There were nights where Seamus wouldn’t get home until three in the morning. Something he wanted to avoid now at all costs because that shit was ruining his sleeping schedule. Something he had not expected to find upon arriving home, however, was Ashh waiting for him on the couch with the cats at her feet, curled up on the fabric.

“You’re still awake?” he tries to keep his voice from sounding like he was interrogating her, but he was a bit put-off since she had almost always been asleep when he came home this late.

“Yeah, wanted to see how you were,” she says simply, either ignoring his tone or not noticing as she stands up and walks over to him, tilting her head as she examines his face.

“What?” should he back away? The look she was giving him made Seamus feel like she was drilling holes into his brain.

“You look happy,” she says finally as she intertwines her hands behind her back. “I’m glad.”

There’s a brief moment where Seamus is confused as to what emotion he wants to wear, but he can feel his eyebrows knitting together and his lip quivering. “Are _you_?”

Ashh rubs her arm and bites her cheek as she wonders, taking her gaze away from Seamus’s confused, blue eyes. “I am. I mean, I’m happy you’re moving on. I need to start doing that, too. It was my idea to break up, anyway.”

“Ashh,” Seamus raises his hand as if to pull her into a hug, but the brunet shakes her head.

“I’m alright, Seamus,” she looks up at him with a soft, sincere smile on her face. “I want you to be happy. No matter what.”

The blond let her walk away after saying her goodnight, leaving him in the living room with slumped shoulders and an even bigger brooding feeling casting over him. Somehow his happiness was just not meant to be. Seamus went to bed that night with heavy thoughts, giving him an uneven sleep, but not an unrestful one.

When Tuesday came around, Seamus noticed his restlessness; eager to see James. He and Aleks didn’t make it to the office until early afternoon, however. It was around two o’clock when Seamus came out of his office, having just finished a bit of recording and in dire need of a drink of water; the coffee he drank that morning had dehydrated him. On his way to the kitchen, the blond greeted James and Aleks as they came in, noticing how James’s eyes seemed to linger on him longer than Aleks did.

The Irishman grabbed his water and chugged half of it in the kitchen before wiping his mouth. He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking, or slow down the fervent beating of his heart. Seamus could feel a moment of spontaneous action creeping into his bones and he knew that was a bad idea, but he blew caution to the wind as he sped-walked through the lounge, passed the main office hallway and into the stream hallway. He didn’t bother knocking on James’s door as he burst in, frantic as he placed the ‘do not distrub’ sign on the outside handle.

James was about to speak, but Seamus didn’t give him the time. The blond grabbed James’s hoodie and forced him back until he collided with the wall, his head giving a slight smack as repercussion. In an instant, Seamus had his lips on the other’s, tilting his head up just slightly to make them mash perfectly with each other. The only sounds he could distinguish were grunts of what he hoped was pleasure from James, and his own erratic breathing coming through his nose. Good thing he had forgotten his glasses again.

Seamus started to feel less anxious about James’s participation when he felt the taller man’s hand come around him; one hand on the back of his neck to tilt his head back just a _bit more_ while the other hand planted itself firmly on the back of his thigh, right underneath his right ass cheek. James used the position to pull Seamus’s lower body closer to his own and they both had to break the kiss to moan out at the friction.

Seamus then moved his attack to James’s neck, working a hand to the zipper of his hoodie, pulling the metal until it came loose. The blond felt a rush of excitement travel all the way to his dick as he snaked his way under James’s shirt, the muscles of said man twitching with the stimulation of his touch on his torso.

James had mimicked the movement, raising his unoccupied hand under Seamus’s shirt to pet along his side and back, dipping the tips of his fingers under the hem of his jeans before coming back around to his chest and giving a squeeze. “Seamus,” the younger male breathed out in a pant, tilting his head forward so his mouth was close to the other’s ear.

“Mhm?”  Seamus hummed against James’s neck as his hands started moving  lower toward James’s belt.

“We’re at the office, Seamus,” James said gruffly, his tongue coming out to lick his lips when the blond was able to unbuckle his belt and bring down his zipper.

“Good observation,” Seamus retorted, bringing his head back so he could gaze at James’s blown out pupils and red face. “Why don’t you try focusing on something else?” the blond murmured against the taller male’s jaw, bringing one of James’s hands to the front of his jeans, forcing the other to palm his semi-hard erection.

“Shi-t,” James drew out the word, thumping his head back against the wall behind him.

“We don’t have locks on these doors, James,” Seamus whispers, letting go of James’s hand in favor of finishing his task with the other’s jeans. He looked up when he had them unbuttoned. “So unless you want someone to waltz in here, keep the noise down.”

“Fucks sakes,” James mutters through his teeth with a bit of ire as he brings his hands to Seamus’s shoulders, forcing their positions to change so that now Seamus is against the wall and it’s James’s turn to thrust his hips.

Seamus brought their mouths together, exchanging saliva while eating each other’s moans. James worked on the blond’s button and zipper while his other hand brought Seamus’s shirt over his head, but not off his arms. The ebony haired man then pulled back far enough for him to pull his heavier jacket off, leaving his hoodie and t-shirt on. Seamus twists a finger in the belt loop of James’s jeans, pulling him forward again so their hips collide. They both work to pull the other’s restricting pants down far enough to expose them, James pulling Seamus’s down a bit more so he can hike the blond’s leg up on his hip.

Seamus feels his head spinning and he wraps his arms around James’s neck, throwing his beanie off onto the floor somewhere so he can _just run his fingers_ through James’s black curls. The younger of the two pulls one of Seamus’s hands from around his neck, kissing the back of his hand before persuading the blond _to help him fix their problem_.  Seamus buries his face into James’s shoulder as they begin to massage their cocks together, twisting the heads and stroking down the base _just right_. Seamus is sweating, thrusting his hips into James to just get _more_ , feel _more_.

His eyes screw shut, his breathing coming out hoarse as he feels his toes tingle and his stomach fill with heat. “James,” he gasps, his lips brushing against James’s earlobe as he talks. “James, shit. Oh god, James.”

James grins around the pleasure building in his own gut, leaning down to place his lips just under Seamus’s ear, biting the skin there. “Go on,” he moans as his dick twitches, his orgasm slowly coming to a peak. “Call my name as you cum.”

Their hands are squeezing, tugging and teasing and Seamus is out of breath, his legs feeling like single pricks of needles are shooting through them. He brings James's face to his, putting their foreheads together as their lips brush trying to kiss but being too out of their right mind to physically put in the effort to form one.

“Ahh, fuck,” Seamus feels his toes curling, shoulders shaking. “James, ahhah. Fuck, James!”

Said raven haired man feels Seamus shutter against him, spurts of white hot fluid shoot between them, mostly landing on Seamus’s stomach. James milks Seamus’s orgasm, relishing in the expression the blond currently wore as his own hit, his body instinctively pushing closer to the smaller male’s, contributing to the mess already there.

A small gasp of, “Seamus,” makes it past his lips as he comes down from his high, removing his hand from their sensitive and now flaccid dicks, but doesn’t move away from the blond in fear that he might fall.

Seamus has a look of pure ecstasy on his face, his entire body slumped now that the fun was over. James lowered him to the floor and pulled out some napkins he saved from one of his lunches to help him clean up. Some of their semen found its way onto his shirt, he noticed. Well, that was great. He sits in front of the other, starting to wipe off his shirt when Seamus raises his hand to steal a few of the napkins on James’s knee to wipe himself off with. There’s a hanging silence that Seamus can’t seem to shake.

“Why’d you do that?” James finally says after he stuffs himself back in his pants and refashions the zipper and button, then haphazardly puts his belt back together.

After he’s satisfied that there’s no more evidence on his stomach, Seamus pulls his shirt over his head again and situates his clothes back together before answering. “Didn’t like it?”

Seamus’s voice is jokingly sarcastic, but he realizes too late that it’s not the right thing to do in the current situation when James punches the floor next to him. “Stop acting like this isn’t serious, Seamus!”

“Why the fuck are you angry?! I thought you wanted to?!” Seamus yells back, leaning forward.

James puts his head in his hands and groans _loud_ before he looks up at the blond, his face defeated and if Seamus dared to say it, _betrayed_. “I want _you_ , Seamus. I _love_ you,” James makes exasperated hand movements and he makes to stand up. “And you did exactly what I warned you _not to_.”

“What are you talking about?” Seamus asks bewildered and annoyed as he also gets to his feet, clenching his fists. “I didn’t _use you_ if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“No?” James grits through his teeth. “Then what was that, huh? What the fuck was it?” James motions to the wall and the napkins littering his office.

“I told you—“

“Bullshit!” James cuts him off, putting his hands on his hips. “I could tell there was something _bothering_ you, Seamus. You seemed on the fence about all of this. That’s why I was going _slow_ , so you could ease into it,” the raven haired male turns a glare to the other. “But I guess I wasn’t doing a good enough job since _something_ obviously made you so uptight that you had to take your frustration out on me.”

Seamus looks at the ground, biting his bottom lip because even he’s ashamed of himself. That was exactly what he did. That heavy feeling had been bothering him for _days_ and when he saw James just earlier, his thread snapped and he came to get release from the one person he knew he could get it from.

“James, listen,” Seamus tries, holding his hands out in defeat. “I didn’t mean—“

“I don’t want to hear an apology, Seamus,” James says, looking away. “I don’t even want to _be here_ right now,” he says, looking around his room in sudden disgust. “Tell Aleks to cancel the stream.”

James is already out of the room before Seamus can even get a word in edgewise. The blond hears the Exit door slam shut and he resists the urge to curl up and cry because he not only hurt his _best friend_ , but possibly the guy he’s found he’s come to like _a lot_. So instead of wallowing, Seamus cleans up the room just in time to see everyone coming into the door way with a mix of confusion and worry plaguing their faces.

“James said to cancel the stream, Aleks,” is the only thing Seamus says before he pushes past everyone.   


	5. Perfect | End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to EddieCardona @ tumblr because they're fucking awesome and also to Leetflip @ tumblr because they're having a hard time and I wanted to cheer them up! I hope you ship Jeamus, but then again, if you're following me, you should be lel.

The rest of the day was pretty much a blur for Seamus. He left the office early and made his way home still a bit numb from what had happened. The rest of the group came to bother him about why James stormed out, but after a severe lash out from Seamus, they ended up leaving him alone. The only one who didn’t leave was Sly. Seamus had expressed his lack of wanting to talk, but Sly said he just wanted to sit with him for moral support. The Puerto Rican could tell there was something deeper going on here, and maybe Seamus didn’t want to talk, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t sit in silence together.

Seamus would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate the other being there. They honestly did just sit together in relaxed quiet until Seamus decided he wanted to leave the office. He had wanted to leave earlier, but he knew if he got into his car he wouldn’t be focused on driving and could have hurt himself or others. So when he had calmed down, he gave Sly a hug and thanked him for staying with him before departing. Seamus’s entire body felt sluggish as he made his way into his apartment and up the stairs. He wanted to get to his room and just sleep, but he knew that was going to be out of the question when he found Ashh on the couch, apparently waiting for him.

She stood up when he reached the top of the stairs, her arms crossed loosely and her expression worried. Seamus moved from foot to foot, looking to his right with a slight ire. “What?”

“Seamus,” she said quietly, her tone sympathetic. “What happened?”

“I went to the office to work,” Seamus replied easily albeit a lot sarcastically. “Then I came home. Like any other day.”

Ashh’s shoulders dropped a bit and she brought a hand up to push her brown hair from her face. “Sly texted me. He’s worried about you.”

The confession made Seamus upset, his brow creasing and his lips coming together to make a tight line. The expression only stayed for a few seconds before he let out a defeated sigh. Sly was only being a good friend; there was no reason to be upset at him. No, Seamus was just upset at himself and trying to find yet another outlet. With a groan, Seamus tossed his head back and walked around Ashh to get to the couch, planting himself firmly in the spot next to the armrest. “Of course he is.”

Ashh sat on said armrest, wrapping an arm around Seamus’s shoulders. “He just wants to make sure whatever happened doesn’t influence your emotions any more than it already has.”

Seamus leaned into her touch, closing his eyes. “I fucked up, Ashh.”

The brunet brought her hand to pet Seamus’s hair, soothing him. “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

“You didn’t see his face,” the blond murmured, choking on his words. “It was like I broke all the trust he has in me.”

Ashh listened to her ex go on, talking vaguely but clearly enough to get a decent picture of what happened. “I think all he needs is a bit of time to cool off. Just wait for a little while, and if he doesn’t come to you, then you make an approach.”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” he breathed, shaking his head.

“You can,” Ashh tapped his shoulder lovingly and confidently. “I knew something was making you happier than you have been in a while, but whenever you came home and saw me here, I could see the hesitance,” she looked down at Seamus with a kind smile. “I don’t want you holding back on anything just because I’m here.”

The blond looked up at her, his eyebrows knitted together and eyes moist. “Ashh, I couldn’t—“

Her smile widened as she shook her head. “You _can_ , Seamus. Just because I’m here doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy. Besides, I’ve found a place. I’m going to talk to the real-estate agent tomorrow.”

Seamus’s eyes widened at this, his expression surprised. “You found an apartment?”

“Yeah,” the brunet smiled shyly now, pushing some of her hair behind her ear. “It’s in California.”

Seamus couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he said, “I knew you’d be attracted to the earth quakes.”

Ashh nudged his shoulder playfully, laughing. “I wanted you to know so that way you can move on. Just because I’m here doesn’t mean you can’t date again.”

Seamus’s expression hardened a bit as he turned away. “I didn’t want you to be upset; to see that I had moved on while you’re still here, waiting.”

“Well, now you know I’m moving on, too. So don’t let this get the better of you. Just be patient,” she pulled him close and hugged him before standing up. “Here,” she held out her hand for Seamus. When he opened his palm, she dropped the spare key to the apartment in his hand. “I don’t need it anymore,” she smiled at him before making her way to her room.

Seamus gave a lot of thought to her words as he made his way into his own room, finding Mr. Meowgi on his bed and purring at him when he made an entry. He laid down on his bed, letting the cat take perch near his shoulder as he nuzzled his face into his pillow and pocketed the key. The blond understood what that heavy feeling had been now. It was his reluctance to start anything with James because he knew Ashh was still here and it just didn’t seem fair to her, when really it wasn’t fair to James. Seamus couldn’t deny his slow decline into James’s affection.

And while Seamus might have been starting to return those feelings even if not as strong, he was still slightly leading the other on. He didn’t realize it at the time, but if James had asked him to go out with him, Seamus knew he would have said no. It wasn’t at all because he didn’t like him, because there was obviously something there now, but it was because he didn’t think he deserved the pleasure while he had to come back to his apartment to see Ashh and be reminded of what happened. Lingering feelings for Ashh clouded his judgment and tormented his mind, but it wasn’t her fault and Seamus knew that. He just wanted to see James again so he could try to explain himself.

The next day, Seamus was up early and was at the office before ten in the morning. When he walked in, he noticed Koots and Aleks talking on the couch. Well, Aleks was on the couch while Jordan was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. But what Seamus was paying attention to was the fact that if Aleks was here, that means James was, too. He knew Ashh told him to be patient, but he needed to get this off his chest. He didn’t want to lose his best friend.

After he shut the door and was making his way to the main hallway, he overheard Jorden and Aleks talking.

“I went into his room this morning so I could drive us here, and he wasn’t there,” Aleks admitted though Seamus couldn’t see his face. “I don’t have any calls or texts from him. I don’t know where he is.”

At those words, Seamus halted his steps, his heartbeat picking up pace. He turned himself around and walked stiffly over to the two by the tv and faced Aleks. “You’re saying he didn’t go home last night?”

Aleks shook his head. “I tried calling and left a few text messages, but I haven’t heard anything from him.”

Jorden stood up after patting Aleks’s knee supportively before turning his attention to Seamus. “What happened between you two yesterday? I hate to say it, but this might have something to do with that.”

At those words, Aleks’s expression turned sour and he stood up from the couch so fast Seamus didn’t even realize he was being pushed against the wall until he had Aleks’s chocolate brown eyes glaring holes into his head. “What did you do?” Aleks’s tone was low and he bit out the words through his teeth.

“What the fuck, Aleks? Get off!” Seamus shouted, pushing at the other.

“Aleks!” Jordan made to pull the Russian off of Seamus, but Aleks twisted himself out of Koots’s hold, straightening his hoodie while still glaring menacingly at Seamus.

“We got into a disagreement, that’s all,” Seamus answered finally, patting at his own clothes.

“That’s all?” Aleks’s eyebrows were up near his hair line, a look of dubiousness settling over him. “James wouldn’t just _disappear_ over a disagreement.”

“Yeah? What the fuck do you know about him?” Seamus accused before he could stop himself, taking a step forward threateningly toward the Russian.

“Obviously more than you do,” Aleks shot back, looking the blond up and down with disgust. “I know my limits when I push James. You don’t. And that’s saying something since you’ve known him longer than I have.”

Seamus felt his hands turn to fists at his side, his jaw tightening as his body started shaking. “Seamus,” Jordan called, putting a hand up. “Getting into a fight with Aleks isn’t helping James’s predicament.”

“Oh really? Well, we can’t really do much else, Jordan,” Seamus turned his attention to the aforementioned person, his expression still tight. “It’s not like we can file a missing persons report. If he doesn’t want to answer his phone, then that’s up to him.” It was then that Ashh’s words came back to him. _Be patient_. The blond sighed and ran a hand through his hair, steadying himself. “Right now all we can do is wait to see if he comes back or if he makes contact.”

“You wouldn’t have any idea where he would go?” Jordan asked in a low voice, glancing at Aleks to make sure he wasn’t going to start anything again.

Seamus shrugged, crossing his arms. “If I had to guess, I’d say he’s walking around, clearing his head,” he scratched the side of his face, making a gesture with that same hand. “He wouldn’t just be in one place.”

Jordan sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the ground as he kicked his foot. “Alright. Aleks, keep trying to get ahold of him. You guys can go home, if you want. Take a day off.”

“I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything,” Aleks said, his voice finally calm. “I’ll keep calling him.”

“Seamus?” Jordan called as soon as Aleks walked away.

Seamus was staring in front of him in thought, his eyebrows furrowed together as his brain worked. “I’m gonna go. I have my phone on if anything comes up,” the blond replied almost mechanically.

“I’ll call you if I hear anything,” Jordan nodded at Seamus when he made to leave, giving the blond a concerned look.

Seamus walked out of the office and down the hall to the stairs, running a hand over the side of his face, his jaw tight. What was James thinking, not telling anyone he was leaving? Seamus shook his head and exited the building, going to his car when he saw Sly walking toward the entrance. Might as well tell him about James … and maybe also what happened the day before. Seamus knew that James, Sly and himself were the three-man team in the group. They had each other’s backs no matter what.

After licking his lips and deciding on what he wanted to do, Seamus walked over to Sly who was just arriving at the door. “We should talk,” the blond said quickly, making small gestures with his hands.

“Alright, what about?” Sly asked with a curious, but anxious look about his face.

“Let’s go for a walk,” Seamus dodged his question and pulled on Sly’s jacket to start him off on the sidewalk.

When they were away from the office and down the street, Seamus sighed and lifted his head toward the sky, watching the clouds roll in the wind. “James didn’t go home last night.”

“What?” Sly asked in disbelief. “Did he tell Aleks he wasn’t?”

Seamus shook his head. “That’s the problem. No one’s heard from him since I saw him last night.”

“Did anyone call his family?” the Puerto Rican wondered, raising his eyebrows at the blond.

Seamus shrugged. “ I don’t think it’s that big of a deal just yet. He’s only been gone for half a day, Sly. And he left willingly.”

Sly didn’t say anything after that and they walked in relatively tranquil silence, but Seamus could practically _hear_ the unasked question rolling off of Sly in waves. Sly was just too nice of a friend to ask, even if he really wanted to. He knew Seamus would tell him about it when he was ready, and Seamus knew he was ready to tell him. Ashh helped him get over his stunted mood.

“James confessed to me about two and a half weeks ago,” he said out of the blue and if Sly was surprised, he didn’t show it, unexpectedly, so Seamus went on. “We were talking about my break up with Ashh.”

This time Sly _had_ to stop Seamus. “Break up? The one that happened last year?”

Seamus shook his head. “No, we split up around March this year. Things just kind of fell out for us,” he shrugged.

“Sorry, baba,” Sly comforted Seamus with a pat to his shoulder, and the blond gave him a smile.

“It’s fine. James talked me through it,” his expression softened at that. “He also told me other things; like how he’s been into me since we first met.”

“Wow!” Sly looked at the blond with an expression of amazement. “That’s what, like five years?”

Seamus nodded. “Just about. I couldn’t believe it, either,” he shook his head and pocketed his hands. “So after he told me, he became more open with his display of affection and I started to see a side of James I never knew existed.”

“So he was courting you?” Sly questioned, an eyebrow creased over his eye.

Seamus turned his nose up at the term, but agreed. “I guess it was something like that. He said he wanted to go slow because he knew I was getting over Ashh and he didn’t want to rush me,” the blond rolled his eyes when he heard Eddie coo. “Shut up,” he laughed, pushing on Sly’s shoulder, making him give a small chuckle. “Anyway, I was starting to fall into his charm, I guess, but there was still a lingering feeling I had for Ashh that just wouldn’t let me enjoy myself. And I didn’t know it then, so it made me really upset and frustrated.

“So I went to James yesterday, and I …,” Seamus bit his cheek, blinking his eyes in quick succession as his eyebrows knitted together. “I advanced on him without any regard for his feelings. I was just thinking, you know, it’s been _five fucking years_ and he had to have some kind of pent up something or other,” the blond shrugged, his body shaking. “He looked so broken, Sly. He just—“

Sly stopped them on the side walk, waiting for a transport truck to go by before asking his question. “You didn’t—“

Seamus raised his hands and shook his head quickly, knowing the question before Sly even finished. “Oh god, no, Sly. I wouldn’t ever do that,” he looked down. “But even if I didn’t, it feels almost as if I did.”

“I can’t say it was the smartest thing to do—“

“I know.”

“But I know James, and even if he was upset on _why_ you did it, I’m sure he was elated to even have you _do it_ , you know?” the Puerto Rican gave Seamus a small, content smile. “He’s more or less upset probably because you rushed into it when he was trying to go slow for you. He just needs to cool his head.”

“I know, I already put that together,” Seamus said a bit snarkily.

Sly pushed his shoulder playfully. “Don’t give me that tone, mister.”

“Me? I don’t have a tone,” Seamus raised an eyebrow in competition, but laughed as Sly snorted and shook his head.

“C’mon, let’s walk back,” Eddie said as he wrapped an arm around Seamus’s shoulders, giving him a one-sided hug before letting go.

Nothing else was said as they walked back, an easy silence surrounding them. Seamus dropped Sly off at the door, telling his friend that Jorden let them go for the day if he didn’t feel like recording, but Sly said he might as well and headed inside after another quick hug from Seamus. Said blond went back to his car and got in, leaning back in the seat to relax. It was nice getting that off his chest. He had told Ashh bits and pieces, but he couldn’t bring himself to explain the entire thing to her, not like he did with Sly.

With feeling immensely better, the thought of James crossed his mind and instantly his expression turned regretful. He shouldn’t have done what he did, but he had and now he had to make up for it—if James ever decided to come back. The blond started his car and pulled out of the parking lot. He drove around for a while, telling himself he’d rather be anywhere than home even though he knew he was unconsciously searching for James. It didn’t matter; he knew he wasn’t going to just happen upon the other on the street.

After just driving around in no clear direction, Seamus found himself pulling into Aleks and James’s driveway. He stared up at the house, admiring it. He kind of missed the old days where they all shared a house, but it was better that they all split up into their own homes; it was much quieter and he actually got decent sleep every once in a while. Seamus checked the clock, seeing that it was only one in the afternoon. He wasn’t sure when Aleks was going to come back—or if he would for that matter—but Seamus wanted to be there if James came back, even if he had to wait for months.

The blond got out of his car, his eyes transfixed on the house before him. He walked up to the steps leading to the house and sat down on them, wiping his hands off on his jeans as he sighed. He was doing that a lot, recently. Seamus sat in the quiet, listening and watching as cars drove down the road to get to their destination, but didn’t pay much mind to them. His thoughts ranged from Aleks near threatening him, to James and wondering where in the world he was. Why hadn’t he called Aleks, or anyone, really? Seamus tried to snuff out the black feeling in the pit of his stomach, but it was hard.

Domi came home about an hour and a half after Seamus first sat down. She didn’t question him, but offered to let him into the house. He declined politely, but even though he had, she still brought him out a glass of water and he thanked her for it. Seamus had the cup in his hands, resting in between his legs as his elbows sat on his knees, contemplating. If James did decide to show up today, or later that night, what would he say? James had said he didn’t want an apology, and Seamus knew better than to offer one again. James liked moving past things instead of digging it back up.

He figured, if James let him say anything at all, he would be honest with the ebony haired man. He couldn’t do much more, and James deserved the truth anyway. Seamus leaned back on his hands after his glass was empty and he had set it down next to his hip while he watched the sun move through the clouds. The star was near the west coast when Seamus heard someone walking up to the house. It couldn’t be Aleks because he would have heard the car, but then again, Seamus wasn’t paying that much attention to his surroundings and only noticed the footsteps because they were drawing closer.

“What are you doing here?”

The voice made Seamus sit up instantly, looking up to see James with a shiny forehead, hands on his hips and breathing erratic. The blond stood up, fidgeting with his hands as he looked to the ground but made his gaze travel up to look James dead in the eye. “I was waiting for you.”

While his expression didn’t change much, Seamus could tell James relaxed a bit and he wiped his brow with the back of his hand. “Let’s go inside. I’m tired of being out here.”

Seamus nodded; just happy James was talking to him. The blond followed his friend into the house, feeling the cool instantly. He hadn’t realized it was that hot out—and it wasn’t really, the house was just really cool. James made Seamus wait in the kitchen while he went to go shower and Seamus had to stop himself from imagining that. He was here to explain, not fantasize. He sat at the small island in the kitchen, his glass refilled and sitting on the counter next to him as he played with his nails while he waited. Domi came down from the second floor, dressed up and smelling of strong perfume.

“I invited Aleks out tonight, so don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” she laughed as Seamus’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead, skipping down the hallway and out the door.

He heard her drive away as James walked down the stairs and tried to settle his heart rate. Nothing was going to happen, right? Seamus took a shaky drink of water, watching James walk into the kitchen in a pair of his basketball shorts and a t-shirt, his towel hanging over his shoulder. The black haired man pulled out a bottle of green tea, chugging half of said bottle before wiping his mouth with a satisfied breath. He must have been walking for a long time, and as much as Seamus wanted to ask about it, he figured it probably would have been better to tell James the truth first.

Seamus shifted on his seat, looking around the kitchen and never sticking his gaze to anything specific. Where could he start? Man, why was this so hard? James set his bottle on the counter, standing on the opposite side Seamus resided and leaned on his elbow. “Just spit it out, Seamus.”

Said blond opened his mouth, his eyes now drawn to James, but he had to close his lips immediately when he saw the other’s expression. It was more so his eyes than anything else, but James was extending a level of reassurance and tenderness through his stare. Seamus brought his hand out to wipe his mouth, his eyes looking away to the counter as he felt his face flush and his ears grow hot. “Sorry. I just don’t know what to say now that you’re standing in front of me.”

“Should I stand behind you?” the other purred cheekily and Seamus had to lift his head to stare at James’s grin with shock.

The blond returned the grin, however, and snorted as he shook his head. “No, that would probably make it worse.”

James leaned on his other arm and Seamus could tell he shifted weight from his left foot to his right. “So just start. I’m getting tired of waiting.”

 _You’ve been doing it for a long time, I’m not surprised_ , Seamus finished in his head. “I talked to Ashh yesterday. She helped me clear up some things that have been bothering me,” the blond looked up at James with a mixture of regret and appreciation. “She helped me realize that I was holding myself back from actually _investing_ in what we have, or had going, because she was still at the back of my mind.”

He watched James drop his gaze, a brooding look taking his features. “You still care about her.”

It wasn’t a question, and Seamus found himself licking his lips before continuing. “I do,” he admitted and he couldn’t deny the flinch James made. “But not because I still love her. She still means a lot to me, even if she’s just my friend now. And I just,” he stopped, trying to find the right words. “I just didn’t feel like I should have gotten to move on without her being able to do the same.”

“You know that’s bullshit,” James interjected, giving Seamus a pointed look.

“I know it is,” Seamus agreed. “But that’s how I felt. And I didn’t understand it until she talked to me yesterday and I ended up doing something really fucking stupid,” Seamus took a breath there, closing his eyes to steady himself. “I could have ruined our friendship, James. I probably already did, but damnit, I just.. I really needed to say something. I couldn’t just walk away from this.”

James blinked a couple times, wiping his mouth with his hand as he breathed out of his nose. “You didn’t ruin our friendship, Seamus.”

“Doesn’t mean you probably don’t want to see me right now,” the blond quipped with a bit of sarcasm as he fidgeted.

“Well,” James drew the word out as he stood up and stretched his back, a bit of pain making its way to his features from the strain. “I can’t say I didn’t want to see you, but that’s a double edged blade. Even when I was out walking around all night, I still wanted to go see you. I always want to see you, even if I’m mad at you. I just like being around you.”

Seamus looked up and brought his hand to the back of his neck, scratching it before leaning his elbow on the counter and resting his head on his arm. “Why didn’t you tell anyone what was up?”

James shrugged. “I didn’t think I’d be out that long. And my phone died around midnight,” he made a gesture to the stairs. “I put it on charge before I showered and a shit ton of messages and missed calls came up.”

“Everyone was really worried about you,” Seamus said in a low tone, a sad smile taking his lips.

“The funny thing was, I didn’t get one from you,” James said, turning his eyes to Seamus’s cerulean ones. “Not one.”

Seamus shrugged, looking to the right. “I took a page from your book and decided to wait it out.”

James made a noise in the back of his throat, a smirk playing at his lips. “I guess I’m rubbing off on you.”

“Figuratively or literally?” Seamus decided to try, raising an eyebrow at James.

“Oh ho, ho, ho,” the ebony haired man raised his arms up in mock surrender. “Getting a bit dangerous with our jokes, huh?”

“Testing the waters,” Seamus lifted his shoulders, but the grin on his face remained.

“I guess that’s why Domi left, huh?” James wiggled his eyebrows at the blond.

“Oh my god, James,” Seamus gave the other a look of disbelief, his expression flat.

“What?” James laughed, opening his tea to take another drink. “Worried that the dog might see?”

“Was actually more worried about your feelings on the matter,” Seamus looked toward the window in the kitchen before looking down at the counter. “I mean, I practically forced you into the act at the office.”

A hand made its way over to Seamus’s, and their fingers laced together. James put a reliable amount of pressure as he looked at Seamus with empathy. “You didn’t force anything, Seamus. I would have tossed your ass out of the room if I didn’t want to get into it.”

The blond couldn’t help but smile at that, a chuckle shaking his shoulders. “Not if your back gave out.”

“Hey, my back is stronger than you think,” James gave the other a close eyed grin. “Now, it seems we’ve got the house to ourselves, so I’m not opposed to the idea…,” he trailed off, raising his brow to Seamus. “But if you’re too chicken, then,” he shrugged, baiting.

Seamus could tell, too. He licked his lips slowly, and watched as James’s eyes instantly followed the motion. He smirked. “You know I’m Irish, right?”

“Then what are you waiting for?” James muttered, leaning over the counter, lowering his gaze sensually.

Seamus pulled his hand out of James’s grip and dashed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He could hear James following behind him, but he was focused on finding James’s room. It wasn’t that hard, honestly, but he slid inside and hid beside the door, trying to will Ein to shut her yapping. When James appeared in the room, Seamus grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him back against the wall, much in the same position as when they were at the office. James grabbed the back of Seamus’s neck with his hand, forcing their mouths together as his other rested on the blond’s waist.

Seamus had his hands up James’s shirt before he even realized what he was doing. His skin was cold, but Seamus could feel the fever breaking through with every touch he gave. “Put the dog in the hallway, James,” Seamus breathed as he pulled his lips away from the other’s.

“I knew you didn’t want Ein to watch,” James grinned down at the blond.

“She’s loud and it’s distracting me from other things,” Seamus corrected, moving his mouth from James’s bearded jaw to his neck to bite there affectionately.

“Alright, Ein, you’ve been kicked out,” James said quickly, his voice coming out unsteady. He walked over to her carrier and picked it up before stopping at Seamus and giving him a longing kiss. “I’ll be right back.”

James didn’t want to leave his girl out in the hallway, right next to the door—she could smell that shit, you know—so he placed her in Aleks’s room. He wouldn’t mind. Actually, he wouldn’t even know. The raven haired man was gone for no more than three minutes, but when he returned to the bedroom, he was gifted with the sight of Seamus spread out on the bed in only his underwear, his legs bent at the knee as he palmed himself through his boxers, his other hand holding onto the headboard behind him.

“Ah, shit, Seamus,” James whistled, wiping his mouth with an shaky hand, unable to break his gaze from the view. “What are you doing to me?”

“Hopefully turning you on,” the blond remarked, a grin playing at his lips.

James shut the door behind him and gave the blond a keen look. “That was a given,” he said as he crawled up the bed, positioning himself between Seamus’s legs and pulling his body up to give the other a quick but hungry kiss. “I was talking about my love for you. Always surprising me.”

“That’s me. Full of surprises,” Seamus joked, wrapping the arm that was attached to the headboard around James’s shoulders to card his fingers through the others’ hair. “Now surprise me.”

“I’ll make it a good one,” James whispered against the blond’s lips before trailing kisses down his neck to his chest and further down to his navel.

Seamus felt his muscles twitch, especially the one between his legs as James looked up at him with that smug grin. The younger man forced Seamus’s hand away from his aching cock, and Seamus gripped the sheets instead. His pulse raced as James tugged at his boxers teasingly, ghosting his breath over the stiff erection below the fabric. Seamus lifted his hips up to get more, but James shook his head and held him down with the underside of his arms. Seamus wasn’t sure how he was going to get a blowjob with his underwear still set in place, but he didn’t much care as long as he got _some_ kind of friction down there.

“Damnit, James,” Seamus panted, bringing one of his hands up to his face to move his hair out of his vision. He still hadn’t cut it, even though he said he would.

James merely snickered, brushing his fingers over Seamus’s hipbone to his thigh and down his calf until his leg was over James’s shoulder. He repeated the process with Seamus’s other leg and then the blond was pleasantly surprised when a large suck was placed on his shaft through his boxers.

Seamus’s hand found James’s head, curling his fingers in the wavy black mess but not pressing too roughly; he just needed to steady himself. “Shit, James,” his head tilted back in the pillows, exposing his neck.

James merely responded with a hum that buzzed through and around Seamus’s dick before making its way through his entire body. His hands worked up Seamus’s sides, pinching and massaging his skin before they made their way down to the top of his thighs and held them there on James’s shoulders.

The ebony haired man was licking, sucking and nuzzling into the heat of Seamus’s arousal, tipping the blond into madness. James started teasing at the hem of his boxers before ultimately pulling them down and lifting Seamus’s legs up so he could take them off. They flew on the floor but Seamus couldn’t give two shits as his head was engulfed in James’s hot mouth. A sound that was almost a whine escaped his lips and James took in his shaft at that, swirling his tongue around the vein that popped out on the underside of the sensitive flesh.

Seamus forced his legs to bend again, opening them wide so that James could fit between them better. As his mouth worked on Seamus’s hot, hard cock, James’s hand went to his balls, cupping them in his hand while his thumb played with the small bit of sensitive skin between his dick and sack. It made Seamus’s hand grip James’s hair tight, but the other barely stopped in his ministrations.

Seamus’s toes curled in the sheets and he could feel his dick twitch inside of James’s hollowed out cheeks. He licked his lips, his hips shaking as he neared his end. The blond distinguished a light brush of James’s finger against his asshole as he came hard, his back arching. He flopped back on the bed, boneless as James came to linger above him, licking his lips of the remains of Seamus’s semen.

“Was my surprise good?” James wondered cockily, lowering himself to his elbows overtop of Seamus.

“Better than good,” Seamus huffed, wrapping his arm around the other again.

The blond brought his knee up between James’s legs, softly kneading his erection through his shorts. Seamus worked his hands down James’s sides and brought his shirt over his head, throwing it away before pulling James in for a kiss, letting his hands travel back down to get a feel of the other’s ass and bringing his hips down into his own.

As they broke apart, their hips jarring against each other in a dry hump, Seamus looked up at James through lust filled eyes. “Got a condom?”

James’s hips stopped then and Seamus could tell he was restraining himself. “We don’t have to do that,” he said honestly as he gazed down at the blond.

“But you want to,” Seamus pointed out. “Don’t think I didn’t feel you sneaking your way to my ass.”

James’s face flushed and Seamus repressed a laugh. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to.”

“Wasn’t I the one who asked if you had a condom?” the blond pondered with a raised brow.

“Seemingly only because you knew what I wanted,” James retorted.

“I would have tossed your ass out of the room if I didn’t want to get into it,” Seamus mimicked in a very terrible impersonation of James.

Said younger man gave Seamus an amused look. “Your back _definitely_ would have given out.”

“It’s stronger than you think it is,” the blond smirked, rubbing his hands up and down James’s back. “Now about that bit of latex….”

James gave an exhale, but Seamus could tell by the smile on his face that it was only for show. The taller of the two reached over to his dresser next to his bed and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out not only the requested item, but a bottle of what Seamus would have to guess was lube. And now he was nervous. Sex with girls was one thing, but sex with a man was something different. Not to mention it was with his _best friend_ and this would change their relationship dynamic dramatically.

“Grab that pillow next to you and put it under your back,” James instructed as he opened the bottle of jelly and squirted some onto his fingers.

“Why?” Seamus couldn’t help but ask as he did as was asked of him, placing the pillow under his lower back.

“You’ve never done this before, right?” James raised an eyebrow, placing his clean hand on Seamus’s knee.

Hesitantly, Seamus shook his head. “Nope. Thought about it, but no.”

“Pillow’s gonna support your back,” James said as he lowered his lube covered fingers toward Seamus’s bottom. “Doggy’s best for first-timers, but I don’t want to miss out on all your expressions,” he grinned as his middle finger touched and then circled Seamus’s entrance.

The blond swallowed. “You sure are versed,” he jibed, bringing his hands to the pillow behind him to squeeze for stability.

“I’ve had too much time to learn,” the ebony haired man shrugged. “Don’t tense. Breathe slowly,” as he watched Seamus relax himself, he poked his finger through the blond’s tight ring of muscle and prodded the skin on the inside while pulling it in and out.

Seamus had mixed feelings about the intrusion. It wasn’t _painful_ —not yet anyway—but it was rather invasive and _quite_ personal considering no one had had their hand there before. “Oh god this is weird.”

James snickered at that, his smile reaching his eyes. “I probably don’t have to tell you it’s gonna hurt before it gets good.”

“Nope,” Seamus said all too quickly, placing an arm over his face. “I knew that walking in here.”

“Spread your legs a bit wider,” James requested and when Seamus did so, he kissed the blond’s inner thigh as he pulled his finger out only to replace the one with two. He felt Seamus tense up at that and he massaged the blond’s thigh, leaning over Seamus’s stomach to give him a peck on the lips. “Relax.”

“Easy for you to say,” Seamus muttered through gritted teeth, moving his arm a bit farther up onto his forehead to look down to James. “You don’t have fingers shoved up your asshole.”

As James started scissoring his fingers, he could feel Seamus start to tremble, so he brought his unoccupied hand down and gripped the blond’s cock to reawaken the heat. “That better?”

The arm that was over his face impulsively reached down to James’s hand working over his skin, holding his palm over the other’s fingers. “Ah! Sensitive, sensitive!”

“C’mon, old man,” James teased, grinning down at the older man. “Where’d your sex drive go?”

“It’s back in my teen years,” Seamus brought his other hand up to smack the side of James’s head softly, giving him a dull glare. “I’m only two years older than you, prick.”

“You sure like to talk about dicks, Seamus,” James said as he pulled his fingers out of Seamus, gave another dab of jell to them and then proceeded with his actions.

Seamus shrugged, closing one eye in discomfort as he felt James push in his third finger. “Maybe because I’m fucking nervous about having to take yours in my ass and can’t think of anything else.”

James picked his gaze up and landed his eyes on Seamus’s, his expression thoughtful. “This was a bad idea, wasn’t it?” his hand slowed its pace as he went on. “Seamus, if you didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have been mad—“

Seamus could feel that James was about to retract his digits so he lifted himself onto his elbow and held James’s hand there by his wrist. “If you stop, I’ll do it by myself and you’ll have to watch.”

James’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead at the words. He was tempted to stop _just_ to see that happen, but if things really were smoothed out with them—which it seemed to be that way—then this would happen a lot more in the future and he had plenty of time to see Seamus at work.

So he said, “That’s hot,” with a grin and leaned down to give Seamus a fiery kiss, their teeth clacking against each other’s uncoordinatedly.

After a vigorous make-out session, Seamus leaned back onto the bed and put his hand on the headboard behind him once more. “If you don’t fuck me right now I’m gonna walk out of this room so goddamn fast.”

James’s dick twitched at the husky words, his face and ears flushing red with the thought. “Don’t get hasty,” he put his hands up, his right being covered in ooze.

James worked himself out of his shorts, tossing them away as he bit the side of the condom wrapper, opening it with his teeth and pulling it out. After sheathing himself in the latex, he coated his heat with more of the lube and moved on his knees right in front of Seamus between his legs.

James wiped his hand off on the bed cover then patted his chest with his palms. “Give me your legs.”

Seamus made a face, but complied and lifted his legs to James’s chest, his knees bending over the taller man’s shoulders. James positioned himself underneath Seamus, moving forward so his hips lined up with the blond’s. Using his hand, James situated his throbbing erection to Seamus’s stretched heat and looked up to the blond for any indication of clearance.

Seamus ground his hips down, forcing their skin to shift together with impossible hotness. “You better fucking do it after I let you probe my ass.”

“Still so sarcastic,” James shook his head, pressing his cock harder toward Seamus’s ring of muscles. “Don’t worry, I’ll fix that. I’ll have you screaming my name.”

“Who are you again?” Seamus countered, being caught off guard when James thrust himself into his heat gradually. “Shit, James!”

“Uh, huh,” James grunted, his expression fixed on concentration as he brought his arm around Seamus’s leg and palmed the blond’s semi-hard shaft.

Seamus felt his ass sting, a throbbing pain settling over his bottom. He gripped the sheets around him, biting his lip and trying to motivate himself to relax. When James was completely engulfed in his tight warmth, the younger man moved them a bit so that James could lean over Seamus better, lifting the blond’s ass higher in the air while his legs came close to his chest. James held one hand on the headboard in front of him while the other held onto Seamus’s leg, his breath coming out ragged.

“How do you feel?” James decided to inquire, waiting for that snarky comeback.

“Like I just shat my kidneys, but not all of it came out,” the blond replied between breaths, his squinted eyes focusing on James’s content face. “Glad you seem to be enjoying yourself.”

The raven haired man stroked his hand up and down Seamus’s thigh with a smile, placing kisses from the blond’s knee to as far as he could go down and back again. “I’ve thought about this for so long, Seamus.”

Said blond turned his head to the side, his face growing hot. He could feel it running down his neck to his entire body, igniting a fire within him. “I almost feel violated.”

James readied himself, gripping the headboard in front of him. “You must get turned on by it, then, because look at you now.”

Seamus’s face contorted when James pulled out a bit and pushed back in, his pace fixed. The throbbing had receded a bit and he was fascinated with the feeling of his inner walls moving around James’s cock; his muscles moving automatically with the rhythm. After a few minutes of the slow torture, Seamus pushed his ass back toward James, gaining his attention.

“If you were going any slower, we’d be going backwards,” Seamus breathed, licking his lips.

James swallowed at the action before focusing on Seamus’s words. “If I go faster, you’re gonna regret it tomorrow.”

“I’m already gonna be sore, James,” Seamus made note as he raised his hands to James’s neck, pulling him closer while also forcing his body to bend. He noticed immediately that James was able to reach deeper inside of him from the different angle. “Might as well make it worth it, yeah?”

James grinned wickedly, kissing Seamus’s lips lightly. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he relocated his hips and thrust in a different angle, every other time making a deep thrust instead of a long one, his pace picking up.

“Shit!” Seamus turned his head back in passion, his body tingling. “Keep doing that,” he panted, moving his hand between his legs to rub his neglected cock.

“Did I find your sweet spot?” the ebony haired man teased breathlessly.

“That’s why I said keep doing that,” Seamus gritted out as James did what was asked of him. “Oh fuck me.”

“Doing that already,” James laughed, changing his pace to deep and quick thrusts now.

“James!” Seamus smiled up at the other, his eyebrows furrowed.

“You’re so fucking hot, you know that?” James leaned back, taking his hand away from the headboard so he could run it over Seamus’s body. When he reached his hair, he moved it out of Seamus’s face and ran his fingers through it. “Especially your hair. Love that ‘birthmark’.”

Seamus took hold of James’s wrist, bringing his fingers to his mouth to suck and lick them. Their bodies now shined with sweat, the air heavy with sex. Seamus could feel the heat pooling in his stomach and his toes curled. By the way James’s face twisted, he figured the other was well on his way to his own orgasm. Seamus gave a large suck to James’s fingers and he felt the younger man pulse inside of him, his body shaking. James’s eyebrows knitted on his forehead, his mouth open just so and Seamus’s name whispered through those lips.

His expression did it in for Seamus and he came over his stomach, his muscles tensing and wrapping tightly around James’s shaft still imbedded inside of him, riding his own orgasm. When he was spent, Seamus didn’t bother holding his legs up on James’s shoulders any longer. They fell to either side of him as the blond went weak, his chest heaving from the exertion. James was still over top of him, his own breath coming out uneven. The younger man pulled his flaccid cock out of Seamus sluggishly, trying not to jostle his blond lover too much.

He took the condom off, tied it, and tossed it in the trash before crashing on the bed next to Seamus. James brought his arm around the blond’s torso, his other arm going underneath his pillow. Seamus pulled the pillow from behind his back, now thankful that James had told him about it—he didn’t have to strain his back when James had his lower half in the air. When he was comfortable, he looked over to James and noticed he had been watching Seamus the entire time.

“What?” Seamus furrowed his brow.

“Getting to lay here in afterglow with you,” James said, giving a half shrug. “Surreal.”

Seamus let a small smile take his lips as he leaned forward and placed a tender kiss to James’s lips. “I hope you don’t mind if it happens more often, then.”

“Definitely not,” James agreed, giving Seamus’s nose an eskimo kiss.

“Good,” Seamus nodded and pulled away.

James almost thought he was booking it when Seamus got up from the bed a bit wobbly and picked up his pants, but relaxed when the blond made his way back and lay down facing James on his side, holding up what looked like a key.

“What’s this?” he wondered as it was offered to him.

“Key to my apartment,” Seamus replied simply, smiling. “If Domi and Aleks are being jerks, you can crash at my place. Or, you know, just hang out ….”

James raised an eyebrow at the blond, a smirk growing on his lips. “Or have kinky sex in the kitchen? Sounds good.”

Seamus smacked James’s shoulder lightly before wrapping his arm around the taller man’s waist and leaned in close, his eyes droopy—it had already turned dark outside. “Don’t make a habit out of it.”

“You’re already a habit,” James said as he quick kissed the top of Seamus’s head, setting the key safely on the top of his dresser before mimicking Seamus and pulling his hand over the blond’s waist after pulling the covers over them. “Not gonna shower?”

“You’re gonna have to wash the blankets anyway,” Seamus said through his sleep haze. “You’re going to have to call Aleks and everyone else tomorrow.”

“Domi probably already told Aleks, and I’m sure he told everyone else,” James rolled his eyes, unwinding against Seamus before closing them.

“You’re gonna be in trouble,” the blond murmured.

“You’ve got my back, right?” James whispered, drawing small patterns on the smaller man’s back.

Seamus snorted uninterestedly before his breathing slowed and James knew he was asleep. The ebony haired man smiled contently against Seamus’s hair, nuzzling him and interweaving their legs together under the sheets. Comfortable and in immeasurable bliss, James fell asleep holding his heart close. He’d never let go.


End file.
